On Embracing my Elizabethan Era
Hey y’all! It’s me again. It’s been a few weeks since my last blog post and life has been life-ing really hard lately. The ups and downs over the past couple of weeks have reminded me of a recurring theme over the past few years of my life; specifically, life comes at you so fast sometimes. When I think about what I have been through over the past couple of years, it just reenforces for me why I started this blog in the first place. I’m in a season of my life where I have to be super intentional with prioritizing the things that allow me to show up as my best self. There’s been lots of talk in recent years about self-love and self-care, but now I’m moreso focused on radical self love.
Why is this so important to me? Radical self-love is the act of accepting, loving, and caring for yourself as an intentional act in a society that tells us that we aren’t good enough, or that shames us into trying to always be someone who we aren’t. If we’re being honest, this blog itself is like 10% embarrassing, but in an act of radical self-love, I’ve decided that I’m more than good enough to take up space on Beyonce’s internet.
My “Elizabethan Era” is not about me being selfish at this juncture in my life, but about reflecting on what it looks like to live intentionally for myself. Taking action and partaking in activities that make me feel good or that I enjoy. Consistently and intentionally working on self-improvement. Prioritizing my health and decluttering my space, both physical and mental.
The best part of this mindset shift is that self-love is not a destination, it’s a journey that is ongoing and takes action. I don’t actually know what it looks like once I’ve “arrived”, and truthfully, I don’t care. In the coming months, I want to make sure that I am consistent with a variety of actions that allow me to continue to love myself. So if you’re curious about a few ways that I am intending to practice radical self-love in this new phase of my life, keep reading.
Do Things That Bring Me Joy
Choosing to indulge in activities that bring me joy isn’t just a pastime—it’s a revolutionary act of self-love. In a world that often demands conformity, embracing what truly lights our soul is a powerful affirmation of our worth and individuality. However, it’s also true that if things that bring you joy are also things that bring other people joy, it doesn’t in any way take away from who you are as a person.
For a brief period in my life around my late teens/early 20s, I was somehow convinced that being interested in stereotypically feminine pursuits meant that I wasn’t unique or interesting, and that I needed to navigate the world in a way that would imply a perceived distinction or superiority based on certain traits or behaviors, specifically, not being a “girl’s girl”.
While this notion is problematic, it really suggests that an certain women feel that they possess qualities or interests that are uncommon or more desirable compared to what is stereotypically associated with girls or women. However, this phrase has been criticized for perpetuating negative stereotypes about girls and women, suggesting that there’s a monolithic way to be a girl or that certain traits are superior to others. It’s essential to recognize and celebrate the diversity of experiences and identities without perpetuating harmful comparisons.
In 2024, I’m leaning fully into my girly, fun, feminine side. One of the highlights of my day used to be getting done up for work every morning because it just made me feel good about myself, and now sometimes I can barely be bothered to do a smell test on my go to work crewneck before throwing it on and running out the door. More intention in 2024 for me!
Build Healthy Relationships
I am a huge introvert and as someone who finds it extremely difficult and stressful to be fully emotionally available to people who are close to me, many of my adult relationships have definitely struggled, and I don’t love this for me, or for the people that I really love! It is important to me to cultivate meaningful relationships with friends, family, and mentors, not just for my own benefit, but also because there is so much beauty in community.
Surrounding myself with individuals who support my goals and encourage my personal growth are a cornerstone of healthy relationships which can contribute significantly to my emotional well-being. On the flip side, toxic relationships contribute significantly to your emotional distress. Engaging in this new action is a process; whoever said that develop friendships as an adult was hard severely underestimated how difficult it truly is. In 2024, I plan to be more intentional about getting out of my comfort zone and, literally, getting out more. Building and maintaining connections with people takes work, and if you’re not willing to put in the work then you won’t see the fruits of the labor.
Identify Healthy Boundaries
Having healthy boundaries are important to cultivating radical self-love because it gives you a clear framework for to prioritize your well-being, and most importantly, your needs. For a long time, it was really easy for me to let people walk all over me because I wasn’t really clear on what my needs were, let alone how to enforce them.
Once I was clear on acknowledging and respecting my own limits, it became a lot easier for me to communicate to others what I will and won’t tolerate. One of the best places where I lived out this new value is in my relationship. While I always repeat that Justin and I are far from perfect, I knew that he was the one because I was very clear with him with my boundaries and he did and continues to do an amazing job of respecting them at every turn.
Healthy boundaries act as a protective shield against problematic relationships, behaviors, and situations that can harm your mental, emotional, or physical health. Saying “no” is not always a bad thing, especially when it’s in the interest of protecting yourself. More of this in 2024!
Journaling for Reflection and Transformation
I used to be SO good at journaling when I was in my teens. After going back through some of my journals from 2010-2014 ish, I’m now 99% sure that a lot of my musings were fueled by a healthy amount of teenage angst, but since becoming an adult, I have of gotten away from writing in a regular way. I feel like part of this is because of how much I thought that moving away from home would solve my problems, so when I finally did I felt like I had “arrived” in some way, when in reality all I was doing was pushing my challenges into the rearview.
I didn’t realize how important journaling was going to be to me until when of my mentors put me onto how important self-reflection was to help improve my practice as a teacher. And this didn’t just mean reflecting on my student performance, or watching back tape of myself teaching, or even thinking about some of my missteps in the classroom. It was important to reflect on aspects of my identity, my triggers, and even my distorted thinking patterns and how it affected my career.
The book that I used for the duration of the 2020 and 2021 school years was called Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators. After chewing through a good chunk of the exercises in the book and seeing how many dividends it paid towards my career in the classroom, I decided that it would make a lot of sense to be more serious about journaling and reflecting on my emotions across the board, not just related to work. The app I used on my iPad is called Alan Mind, but they are going to be discontinuing their app soon! I am still on the hunt for a new journaling option and plan to be more consistent in 2024, but for now, the new Apple Journal app is going to have to hold me down in the meantime! I’m looking forward to using my journaling as an intentional practice of self-love, particularly by having the opportunity to back and look at how I was feeling during particularly challenging moments.
These are just a few nuggets than I plan to hold myself to on my journey towards living in my Elizabethan Era, and I’m so excited for what this year has in store for me, and especially for this blog!
Let me know how you plan to live as your best self in this season of your life! I can’t wait for us to grow together.
