Four Pieces of Advice I Wish Someone Gave Me Before I Started Adult-ing
“But God bless these 20 somethings
Hopin’ my 20 somethings won’t end
Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends
Prayin’ the 20 somethings don’t kill me, don’t kill me”
As kids, we were always asked by adults, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now that I have in fact grown up, I can safely say that every answer I gave back then was completely wrong. If I could go back in time, the correct answer would be “I want to be happy”. Corny, right? Hear me out.
I turned 28 this year, so as a 10 year old adult I feel like I have enough expertise and authority to talk about my full transition to adult-ing full time. One word to describe the journey thus far? Surprising.
First and foremost, I am so grateful and blessed to be able to live the life I currently have. My 10 year old self could have only dreamed that I would be who I am today. But, I will also be honest and say that the romanticized fantasy of what life in your 20s is was not the reality, and I truly was not prepared for what it would take before I got here.
I used to think that being happy in my twenties would mean that I would have a lot of things. A gorgeous apartment, a great salary, fulfilling friendships, a fine-ass boyfriend, the list goes on and on. I wasn’t prepared to deal with having all of those things (including a fine-ass HUSBAND, not boyfriend!), but somehow still feeling empty, or like something was missing.
Your twenties are a transformative period, filled with self-discovery, challenges, and the thrill of independence. As a young black woman transitioning into adulthood, my journey is one that is marked by radical self-love. When I decided to stop letting life happen to me, and intentionally love myself enough to take my 20s by the reigns instead, I started to see major changes to my feelings of happiness. If you want to know how I changed my mindset to live a more fulfilling and satisfying life in my late 20s, then here are four pieces of advice to guide you through this exciting chapter of life.
Embrace the Unpredictability
The twenties are a rollercoaster of change, and you definitely will not have it all figured out. Embrace the unpredictability, as it often leads to unexpected opportunities, growth, and a deeper understanding of yourself. Life rarely follows a straight path, and that's perfectly okay.
If you had asked me when I was 19 what I would be doing in my twenties, I would’ve probably described a series of events that included attending law school, moving back to New York, and settling into my career in education law before eventually starting a business of some sort with my sisters. What actually happened was not even close. In hindsight, I can definitely say that things worked out in the end, but in the moment, the major deviations to my five year plan were devastating, and the hiccups along the way were salt to an existing wound.
In a nutshell, trust the process. It will all be okay. In your twenties, change is the only constant. Stay open-minded and adaptable. Life's twists and turns may lead you to unexpected destinations, and sometimes the detours are where you find the most valuable experiences.
Financial Literacy Matters
You would think that this one was a no-brainer, but nothing really prepares you for the shock of going from paying a few bills here and there like your cell phone plan, Apple Music, and a gym membership to all of a sudden having a FULL load. I’m talking rent, electric, gas, water/sewer, car note, car insurance, AND groceries, all before you even account for the fun stuff. Because baby I didn’t even ask to be here, so why do I gotta pay to stay here!?
Developing financial wellness and stability is an important part of adulthood. Learn about budgeting, saving, investing, and managing debt so that you don’t have to live under the shackles of living paycheck to paycheck. These skills empower you to make informed decisions about your financial future for the long-term instead of the short term.
FOMO is a b****, but most of your friends and peers who are engaged in conspicuous consumption on social media are either accumulating debt, have their lifestyle subsidized by their families, or work high-stress, high-pay jobs characteristic of the top 10% of earners in our age bracket. And if you’re one of those people, that’s OK too! Treat yo self sis! But also don’t try to keep up just for the sake of having a cute Instagram post or story. Living through your hot girl 20s isn’t cheap, and you deserve to treat yourself to things that make you happy, but it should not be at the expense of your long term stability.
Prioritize Self-Discovery
I am a HUGE proponent of leaving your hometown in order to figure out who and what you are without the attachments formed by your family and community. I moved away from New York for college, and honestly, cannot see myself going back any time soon, and that was over ten years ago. Since then, I’ve lived in DC and Miami, two EXTREMELY different cities, but two cities that have had my heart for a variety of different reasons.
Not only has moving away from home opened my worldview in so many ways, it also forced me to confront my fears and learn to lean on one of the only people I can count on - MYSELF. While being a strong independent woman can definitely be overrated, I can definitely say that being on my own for a few years has turned me into the fearless person that I am now. But in case you need more convincing, sometimes you have to just see for yourself.
Aside from leaving my hometown, traveling has been one of the best ways that I’ve developed into a more self-aware human. From a handful of trips out of the country to my recent travels to major cities throughout the US, understanding who I am and my place in the world has been a journey that has been enhanced by seeing new people, places and things.
In 2019, I began to be more intentional about hitting some major domestic cities across the entire country, and have since traveled to Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Dallas, and Seattle. I am excited to continue more trips across the country and am most excited about seeing Denver, Phoenix, Memphis, and Houston in the future.
Cultivate a Healthy Work-Life Balance
Take this from a self-proclaimed work-a-holic. Sometimes, it’s okay if today’s work problem gets dealt with tomorrow. And this is coming from someone who routinely takes work home and is still actively working on a healthy work-life balance. If your work is your life’s passion, and you can’t see yourself without also seeing what you do, then you go girl! But sometimes, work is also just a means to an end, and running yourself ragged for a 9-5 isn’t the only way that you can show your worth or provide something of value to the world. If we’re being honest, people who are excellent at their jobs get rewarded with more work, and I learned this the hard way.
Some people on Beyoncé’s internet go so far as to say that work-life balance is a myth and what we really should be working towards is more like work-life well-being or work-life integration. What do I say? Well I’m no expert but I do know that sometimes, something’s gotta give! As you embark on your career, remember the importance of prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and making time for activities that bring you joy. For me, one of those outlets is this new blog! Balancing your professional and personal life is key to long-term well-being.
All in all, the transition into adulthood is a unique and transformative journey, but ya girl took a few shots along the way that made me take a step back to reflect. As I continue to remind myself to embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and trust the process, it’s equally important to remind myself that this is just one small chapter of my much larger life story.
Let me know in the comments what pieces of advice you’d give your teenage self before transitioning into your twenties!
